DEALING WITH
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Dealing​ with conflict is one thing almost every leader will experience at some point in their career. Though we may work hard to create an environment where team members get along, the reality is that we are all human and there will be times where individuals will say or do things that create conflict with others. The goal is not to avoid conflict, but to be sure you are prepared to manage conflict in a way that leaves all parties feeling honor, dignity, and respect.
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Think through the following questions:
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Have you ever been in a situation where there was conflict between you and a different individual within or outside the business? What did you like about how it was handled? What did you not like about how it was handled?
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How do you typically react to conflict? Do you avoid it, get defensive and argumentative, or do you find yourself usually calm and trying to find positive resolution for all parties involved?
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How can conflict be good? Do you think there is value in learning how to clearly communicate, listen to others opinions, and correctly express your own feelings and perspective?
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Conflict unchecked, can quickly escalate to a disease that infects an entire organization's culture. If conflict is likely to occur at some point within your leadership journey, then knowing how to properly handle conflict is important for any leader. Review the four steps to properly managing conflict (start with the heart, make it safe, share your perspectives, move to action). The first step you should take in properly managing conflict is to start with the heart. Take a moment to understand what is causing the conflict and what you desire as an outcome. Once you know what is at the heart of your conflict, then you have to make sure you create a safe environment to talk through the conflict. Make sure both parties have calmed down and are in a place where they are able and willing to enter into productive dialogue. With a safe atmosphere for dialogue, you can go through the process of allowing each party to share their perspective. Remember, try to stick to the facts in the conversation and seek first to understand before being understood. Finally, once everyone has gotten a chance to share their perspective, then you can move to action. Clarify what actions steps both parties need to take moving forward to resolve the conflict and try to find a resolution that is win-win and has benefits and compromises for each party.
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Think through the following questions:
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Think back over your last conflict you had with an individual. At the core, what do you believe was causing the tension in the conflict? How do you think "starting with the heart" and understanding the source of a conflict can help you in better resolving conflict?
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Can you think of a time where you felt a conflict escalated because there was not a safe environment? Think about all the things that can contribute to creating an unsafe environment (anger, catching people off guard, accusations, raising voice, isolated meeting space, etc.)
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Thinking back on previous conflict, have you experienced that many times conflict arises from a misunderstanding? How does understanding someone else's perspective help you to resolve conflict or even recognize behaviors you might be demonstrating that can lead to conflict?
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TAKE ACTION
Managing conflict within your team and organization takes preparation and practice. If you aren't ready to address conflict when it arises, it can easily get out of hand and not be handled the way you might hope. No matter how big or small a conflict, it is always an opportunity to practice these four steps to conflict resolution. See if you can use these four steps of of properly managing conflict over the next 30 days to enrich some of your relationships with team members in the business.
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PREPARATION - familiarize yourself with the four steps of conflict management. Think back over a recent conflict you've had or experienced that didn't go the way you hoped and use these four steps as a filter for how the conflict was handled. See if you can identify ways that the conflict could have been handled better and go back and ask the individual(s) if you can have another chance to dialogue with them. Apologize for any ways that you mishandled the original conversations and see if you can find a better resolution based on your new perspective of the situation.
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PRACTICE - pay attention to both personal and work relationships over the next 30 days. It is likely that there will be some type of conflict either between you and an individual or between two other individuals in which you are responsible. When that time comes, use this an opportunity to implement what you have learned about conflict management. Don't be afraid to actually take both parties through the process explaining each step. It is okay for them to take some time to examine their heart for understanding the source of conflict. You can also ask them if they feel safe in the dialogue and even be sure they know how to share their perspective and understand someone else's perspective. Finally, you can work with all parties to help draft an action plan moving forward.
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CHARACTERISTICS OF MASTERY
Addresses​ conflict with others or amongst the team in a timely manner; does not avoid conflict or go around others to share conflict with another individual; has ability to reflect on and identify causes of conflict; understands the importance of creating safe environments for conflict to be resolved; seeks to understand other's perspectives before sharing their own; is able to identify action plans to resolve conflict which take into account interests of both parties.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
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"Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High" by Patterson/Grenny
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